Introduction

Thank you for visiting my blog. 

I'm sure there will be many questions about why I've decided to create a blog and FB page about being stalked by my ex.

For one, the only way people are going to know about what's going on is if I share it. That's something that's hard to do in person sometimes. The amount of fear, anxiety and just having to re live the experience when discussing it brings back all the trauma. I currently suffer from PTSD from my experience and continued experience of being stalked, harassed, poisoned and hacked by the man I was dating. This was a man I thought I was going to marry, one that I have a key to my home to, one that I allowed to have access to my children. 

Not to mention the bizzar things he does and the ways he carries out what are text book stalking behaviors but in a very extravagant, sometimes indirect and extremely clever way. The psychological impact of being stalked, harassed and poisoned alone is enough to cause severe long term psychological issues in someone. Adding to that the bizarre behaviors he has others exhibit around me, the unusual "Gifts" that are like clues to show what he knows... These subconscious way of torment me as his victim. The lavish uses of his money, skills and resources... well, it's hard to explain in just one post. 

More so, as a stalking victim/survivor I'm supposed to keep a journal. However the consistent nature of his abuse towards me makes it very difficult to sit down and keep writing out the many little things he will do in an almost daily basis. Having to write it the many little things that have happenedand go print out screenshotsor pics on the dailyis a lot to keep up with while also just trying to survive. Hopefully doing this and then printing it my posts on a it easier to document in my physical journal. 

And finally, I'm hoping that one this is over I'll be ante to write a full novel about my trauma and how I've survived everything he's put me through. So I'll be documenting past instances too use in my future book as I'm reminded of them. 

I'm a creative. I've usually expressed myself through visual art, but it seems like writing has been my way of processing and sorting truth all I've been through. As soon as I was finally off the streets and no longer forced to live in a constant state of survival mode I found that that's when the flashbacks started. They were so bad back then, they seemed to hit when I was alive at night, all was quite and there was nothing to distract me from the thoughts. 

My flashbacks went on for what seemed like hours most nights. And that's when I'd text my family. All the things that happened seemed like they were happening again all at once. Like I was right there living through all of it again. So, I'd text my family about it, it just felt like they needed to know what I had been through, like I needed to explain it all to get it all out and process it. 

I'm sure they didn't appreciate the long late night rambling texts. But, it was all just to much for me to handle, too live through all of it again and again every night. 

So, now I write about it. My journal helped but I'm not really able to hand write as fast as I think. Most my thoughts were getting put in a note pad on my phone and forgotten about. This way, they can be seen and my experience hard by anyone who wants to listen and anyone who may be going through something similar and needs to know they aren't alone.

Is a lot, and there are things that I've gone through that I don't talk about, because it's so unusual that I may not be believed. But, it needs to be processed and it needs to get out there. 

I've always been a fan of psychological thrillers, but never thought I'd be forced to live through one. 

With that being said, although this will be used in my evidence journal when I'm finally able to get justice for what's been done to me and anyone ride impacted by this man's actions, I'm not planning on exposing all this who were involved all names will be changed or in some cases only initials will be used in place of nanes to protect anyone I write about.

Thank you for reading.