The poisonings

I had been sick for so long. I knew it definitely started in late summer of 2022, or at least that's when I began noticing the symptoms. Looking back, it's likely that it happened on several other occasions. 

The symptoms were horrible, there were days I would be in so much pain that it was all I could do to lay on the floor the living room writhing, aching all over my body. Every mussel and joint hurt.

Other days I couldn't eat. The nausea was too much and the swelling feeling I had extended from the back of my throat down, into my lungs and stomach. Sometimes reaching all the way to my lower stomach feeling like my organs were inflammed all the way into my intestinal region. 

I've had to of gone to the ER at least two to three dozen times. For symptoms such as chest pain, trouble breathing, dizziness, trouble thinking and confusion, even mouth pain and irritation. There were times I was just so tired I would fall asleep just about anywhere. 

Then there were the mood swings, anxiety that was so much worse than I've ever had before, agitation, fear of things that I shouldn't be afraid of. Some of these could easily be explained by the fact that I am indeed bent stalked. But it was so extreme that it would become debilitating.

I knew it had to have something to do with him. Something to do with that horrifying experience I had for months after I broke it off with him.

Doctor after doctor, ER after ER, lab test, drug tests, CT scans, X-Rays, CAT Scans... and each time some blanket diagnoses and a medication to help with the symptoms but never a solution. 

"It's Bronchitis"

"It's COPD"

"I know you're in pain, but it could be psychological"

"It's possibly an STD"

"Nope, No signs of cancer"

"Maybe it's Long Covid"

"Go see this specialist, go see that specialist. "

I was done. After the first year of trying to figure it out, I just wanted an answer. I didn't care what it was, I was even willing to accept stage four cancer or HIV so long as we could settle on a treatment that would help with so the sickness and pain I was in. 

Finally in the fall of 2024 I felt better. I felt great! I could eat, I had energy, I could think clearly enough to make plans and decisions again without so much effort.

And then it hit me again. The sickness came back, hard, too hard. 

I guess it was the fact that I was in the clear for so long that I was able to realize, I didn't feel like I was sick. It felt more like I was in something. A passing thought I've had before but dismissed due to clean drug tests and making sure to stay off any medications that may have an adverse reaction, just to be sure it wasn't something I was doing that made me feel so awful all the time. 

As I laid in bed, too dizzy to stand and once again unable to think straight enough to call for help, I thought about those things he said to me that summer two years ago. 

I thought he was being over protective when he said he used to taste his son's food to make sure sometime hadn't poisoned it.

And the other thing he said while we were having dinner on our trip to Vegas, the one about knowing how to poison someone without it showing up on lab tests. I'm all for macabre conversations every now and then, and didn't think anything of it. But, I was definitely being dosed with something, and it wasn't showing up on any lab or drug tests. 

Laying there I began to backtrack. What did I do that day? What did I eat? What did I drink? Why are my cats eyes dilated to different sizes? 

I poured my water into the cat's bowl instead of getting fresh water for them! It's in the water!

I was in shock, he was in fact having me poisoned. There's no doubt about that. Who the hell does something like that? Who the hell agrees to do that to someone else for money? It's not just one person, I've had these symptoms off and on for years now. This has happened in multiple cities around different groups of people. 

If that was the case, then he tried to kill me. It wasn't an illness, I was almost poisoned to death two years ago, on my couch in my home. No wonder the trauma associated with driving past that house caused me to panic the day my sister took me to get my mail. I haven't been able to make myself go back there again since. 

The memories of that time, the sweats, the sharp horrifying stabbing pain that felt like spikes bring thrusted into ever part of my body. The convulsions, I don't exactly remember that, but I remember wondering in a couple of occasions if I had had a seizure.

I couldn't mentally function well enough to go to the hospital until the next day. 

Oddly enough, I felt a bit better about my situation and my health after that. So long as I could keep from getting poisoned again I could go back to work and catch up on my very cheap, but very late bills. I won't have to become homeless again! How do I prevent it?

What was I doing when I stated feeling better? Right, I was flat broke and couldn't afford to go grocery shopping. I was going out every day to do doordash just to be able to feed myself and pay something towards whatever bill needed to be taken care of next. I'd but the good and eat it immediately and there was nothing left in my home to poison when I left to do the same thing the next day. 

Now all I have to do is only keep food or drinks that are sealed at home and never consume anything that's been opened after I've left it unattended in the house or car.

Now to try to figure out what he used. That two a little time. I realized that it must be something that is common for poison but obviously won't show up. A little research into what those moms with munchausen syndrome by proxy would use to keep their kids sick without doctors finding out.

Household chemicals, rat poison, antifreeze. It had to be one of those and it would only be something a cat would also be willing to drink. For a while I went back and forth between antifreeze and cleaners. My symptoms didn't match rat poison. But for the time being, I was just making sure I never consumed anything that had been out of my sight. I had to watch what I eat, literally 

A couple weeks later, I was back at work! Back to my old company I used to manage for. Back to something that felt safe, comfortable, and familiar. Or so I thought. 

Work ended up bent the only place I allowed myself to keep a drink that I didn't keep an eye on. The thought was, there were only so many people I worked with who would have access to my drink, so there no way someone could possibly be stupid enough to be convinced to poison me at work...