Journal Entry for 7/27/25: He has a combination of HPD and ASPD I think, and is always scary and stressful

The stress is becoming just easy to much, I need a break, but there is o break and no getting away from him. 

Honestly, if it weren't for the cat's I'd have disappeared, gotten away by for, gone to another city in another state and found a DV shelter to help me. 

There's no help here, the last place he hacked and erased his info from their computers and then threatened or bribed my advocate. 

That and trying to survive when he can and soar cause so much damage and so many problems to the point that I can't even keep a job before he has people harassing and trying to put things in my drink. Then somehow of I complain about the harassment I am the one that gets fired instead of it being investigated or reported to police like an hr manager should do. Which is what happened at the Smokin Dragon earlier this year. 

I'm living just day by day, literally just going out to quell Uber to pay the things that are necessary for me to keep my pay as you go electricity, daily car rental and daily car insurance going just so I can do it again tomorrow and pay for gas and food on top of it. 

It would be a relief to go back to the hospital just so I dint have to worry about things and can get a break from this lunatic. But if I do that there's no one to feed the cats and keep the electricity on, so they'll die. The entire situation is just effed up. He's just effed up! 

I wish he'd just dissappear and I could finally have control over my own life again. Why won't he just stop and go away?

I'm key so tired of this crap and this shit life of constant harassment and harm this man thinks is ok to force me to live in. 

From what I can tell, I think he may actually have both Historonic Personality Disorder and Antisocial personality disorder, which accounts for the over the top drama and harassing behaviors, and empathy less poisonings... the combination of the two disorders in him may account for how severe his actions and abuse are compared to anything I have ever read about for each of these disorders separately. 

I now leave extra food and water available to my cats, just in case he does something to me while I'm out working. It will give them a few extra days of everything they need to survive if no one realizes I haven't come home for a few days. 

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